Today's Dumpster Fire

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Newly Formed National Powerwalking League Announces Partnership with DraftKings

"Grandma is giving me cash on my birthday, by powerwalking her way to victory."

Bold Claims

Football

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The Superbowl Is For Keeps This Year: Losing Team To Be Sacrificed To Huitzilopochtli

Baseball

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Lockout Update: Keys to the Office of the Commisionewr Lost, Locksmith Called

Basketball

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BREAKING: Ben Simmons to Join /r/antiwork Moderation Staff

Racing

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New Formula 1 Rule Awarding Point For 'Driver Of The Day', Nikita Mazepin Now Contender For Constructor's Cup

Combat

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Khabib to Retire After Dana White's Unsucessful Attempts at Resurrecting His Father

Misc

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Newly Formed National Powerwalking League Announces Partnership with DraftKings

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