BREAKING: Pete Hegseth Leaks Hand Signals to Bat Boy

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth Leaks Hand Signals to Bat Boy

SAN FRANCISCO – In a stunning leak of sensitive information Pete Hegseth accidentally sent the Red Sox’s Bat Bot hand signals, included in deeply disturbing texts of a sexual nature. The game is over.

SHARE THIS ARTICLE

Post Bluesky Share Reddit

Get Fake Sports News In Your Inbox

No spam. Just satire. Delivered via Substack.

Subscribe

Comments

Leave a Comment

No comments yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!

More MLB Articles
Supreme Court Upholds Ban On Joey Lucchesi’s Weird “Churve” Pitch
Supreme Court Upholds Ban On Joey Lucchesi’s Weird “Churve” Pitch
Supreme Court Upholds Ban On Joey Lucchesi’s Weird “Churve” Pitch
Think of the children!
Nathan Graves | @5thqgraves.bsky.social
Oakland Athletics To Move To Venezuela Instead of Las Vegas
Oakland Athletics To Move To Venezuela Instead of Las Vegas
Oakland Athletics To Move To Venezuela Instead of Las Vegas
The Oakland Athletics were set to move from Sacramento to Las Vegas in 2028. Now, they target Venezuela for their new stadium. Fans upset at John Fisher.
5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
Dodgers Luxury Tax Surpasses GDP of Uzbekistan
Dodgers Luxury Tax Surpasses GDP of Uzbekistan
Dodgers Luxury Tax Surpasses GDP of Uzbekistan
After the 2025 World Series the Luxury Taxes which the MLB applies to each team has rolled out. And they're massive.
5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
Jerome Powell cuts price of hotdogs at MLB stadiums nationwide
Jerome Powell cuts price of hotdogs at MLB stadiums nationwide
Jerome Powell cuts price of hotdogs at MLB stadiums nationwide
After months of haranguing from the White House, Jerome Powell cuts the cost of a hotdog by a quarter of a percentage point at all MLB stadiums.
5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
The Greatest Robbery Since Ocean’s 11: Wilmer Wlores Denied MVP, America Denied Justice
The Greatest Robbery Since Ocean’s 11: Wilmer Wlores Denied MVP, America Denied Justice
The Greatest Robbery Since Ocean’s 11: Wilmer Wlores Denied MVP, America Denied Justice
Objectivity? Wilmer Flores, eternal Giant, master of clutch, and the man with forearms carved from angel tears and motor oil, has been denied the 2025 NL MVP.
Danny Dimes | @DannyDimes420
Baseball Rigged? Shocking New Evidence MLB Writers Handed MVP to Aaron Judge Before Season Even Started
Baseball Rigged? Shocking New Evidence MLB Writers Handed MVP to Aaron Judge Before Season Even Started
Baseball Rigged? Shocking New Evidence MLB Writers Handed MVP to Aaron Judge Before Season Even Started
This wasn’t voting. This was muscle memory. absolutely no one with a functioning brain stem should find this surprising. MLB writers handed Aaron Judge the MVP
Resident Ginger | @5thQGinger
View All MLB Articles

Author Spotlight

5thQ Staff Writer

5thQ Staff Writer

@5thQSports

"The staff writer, because whoever wrote it was too afraid to put thier name on it."