Trump to resurrects Pete Rose for MLB HOF induction. Welcome to the HOF, zombie Pete Rose. This is just in time for lent.
SACRAMENTO, CA – In a stunning turn of events President Trump has declared not only does he have the ability to raise the dead, he is also resurrecting Pete Rose for the upcoming HOF induction. This is just in time for lent. The President announced this through both a post on Truth Social, and a screenshot of that posted on Twitter. As social media is the main way that Americans get their latest news updates from the politburo.
Trump has derived this arcane power through a pact made with the devil in the early 2000s, and all he had to do was accept a free flight on a luxury private jet.
5thQuarterSports has discovered through Ancestry.com palm-greasing that Pete Rose, the player with the most hits in an MLB season, has a direct line of ancestry to Shohei Ohtani’s translator Ippei Mizuhara.
Welcome to the HOF, zombie Pete Rose.