Lockout Update: Keys to the Office of the Commisionewr Lost, Locksmith Called

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5thQ Staff Writer


SAN FRANCISCO -- 5thQuarterSports has been diligently following the MLB Lockout with ground breaking, and cutting coverage, and we will continue to provide just that. We've received an update from our sources that the mission to find the keys to the Office of the Commissioner have been abandoned. After weeks of searching back pockets, other coats, and between couch cushions hope nearly seems lost.

Without intensive Spring Training this season, the rest of the season looks murky indeed. Rusty pitchers will forget to hide their pine-tar in the bills of their hats, and just bring the tub straight to the mound. Our sources share one upside to this issue: the western teams are pretty happy to not go to Arizona to participate in the Cactus League. I think we call all sympathize with them.

All of this being said, there is still one backup plan to consider. The Club owners have gathered together, thought long and hard, and have come up with one effective Plan B. They are floating around the idea of calling a locksmith to unlock the office. The 5thQuarterSports analysts are skeptical of this move, and doubt it's effectiveness. However, we're not team owners. They probably know best.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
The staff writer, because whoever wrote it was too afraid to put thier name on it.