NEW YORK -- Trade rumors have been swirling for quite some time around Ben Simmons, with multiple teams competing for offers. Simmons has yet to play a game this season after he requested a trade to a different team. The Sixers, God bless 'em, have been scrambling to come up with a deal the benefits only them.

The Kings have come forward with a Haliburton, Hield, and Barnes trade, but the Sixers are not having it.

"It does not benefit us enough," Head Coach claims.

The Sixers have offered the Warriors an equally one-sided trace, attempting to secure Draymond Green and Andrew Wiggings, with some calling them "delusional".

But the final trade offer that is being pursued is the most insane of them all. They're petitioning God himself for a trade. It is as one-sided as they come, in exchange for Simmons they're requesting a free pass to heaven. Some have accused them of buying old-time indulgences, others have said that Simmons would really round out God's team.

The bias-less 5thQuarterSports staff things the Sixers should just give Simmons to the Kings for free.