Enes Kanter's Social Credit Drops to 0 in China

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5thQ Staff Writer


SAN FRANCISCO -- This week Enes Kanter made a move that is controversial in the NBA recently: having a backbone. He was able to flex his spine in a very unusual way, through his feet. Rocking kicks that portray the famous Tank Man photograph with the tanks stylized as Winnie The Pooh, Enes stunned the world. This image is of course in reference to China's current president, who looks uncannily like a honey hungry cartoon bear. We here at 5thQuarterSports applaud his bravery.

We reached out to LeBron James, but he was busy crying in the showers over his Alibaba stocks volatility due to Xi Jingping's tech crackdown.

What are the consequences of this off-court play? Recently social credit has been playing an important role in the social hierarchy of China. Social credit has significant effects on financial security. One of the results is that Enes will have trouble securing a loan for a house in any Chinese province. Not only that, but upon entering any 'smart city', the advanced facial recognition cameras will pinpoint his exact location. Any false move, and he will incur heavy fines.

This extends to on-court play. Players with low social credit score will be subject to more scrutiny by refs. Flagrant 2's are triggered at the slightest brush of an opponent. A raised voice results in being thrown off the court. Most shocking of all, players with low social credit have no 3 pointers. All shots are worth 2. If fouled, the player's shots are reduced to just one.

This will have SERIOUS consequences on his future Chinese career. We at 5thQuarterSports support this decision, and applaud him for his bravery.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
The staff writer, because whoever wrote it was too afraid to put thier name on it.