After Sunday's article attempting to compare League of Legends champions to NFL Quarterbacks, I concluded we could write more content about shit nobody cares for. So today is all about the WNBA.

Unlike all the women I've ever met, I actually support women's sports. When the WNBA Draft was the only sporting event of relevance on Tuesday night, I figured I could make a wager to spice things up, rather than mindless drooling over open toed athletes like some of you gooners.

Lauren Betts is a 6’7” Center leading UCLA to the national championship earlier this month. PrizePicks odds were -270 for Lauren Betts to be selected anywhere in the Top 3. A $100 wager would payout $136.

“A shoe-in. Easy money. No way these WNBA teams can fuck this up. Sure, it's only a $36 win, but that's a better return than any stock I'll pick this year.” I thought to myself. Don't believe me? Twitter has the receipts.

With the first pick, the Dallas Wings selected shooting guard Azzi Fudd. The UCONN standout who is also dating Paige Bueckers, who happens to play for Dallas as well. A huge problem waiting to happen, if you ask me.

Second pick by the Minnesota Lynx is Olivia Miles, point guard from TCU. Fine, two guards drafted before Lauren Betts. Surely the Seattle Storm, in need of a Center, make the correct choice.

I’m sweating mom spaghetti while the commissioner reads “With the third pick in the 2026 WNBA draft, the Seattle Storm select…” FUCKING NOT LAUREN BETTS. A Center, only 6”4’ from Spain, averaging numbers nowhere near Betts against players who wouldn’t make an American high school JV team. $100 down the drain. I will be taking a betting hiatus, please respect my family’s privacy at this time.

I wouldn't be surprised to see myself featured on FreezingColdTakes this week. I’m also the newest member of team “Let those assigned male at birth in women’s sports,” due to the fact these GMs wouldn’t select them anyway.

Congrats to the 2026 draft class, or whatever.