Vanderbuilt Kicker Sarah Fuller has easily become one of the influential players in College Football history, even if she only played two games. The first woman to ever play in a Power 5 Conference football game went on to finish the season with a perfect kicking record (2-2 XPs) and has the cleanest squib kick in the country. How could the Heisman committee possibly conspire against the greatest college Kicker of our generation? All for some no-name wide receiver from some small conference university in the south? I mean, come on, Republicans have been holding up confirmation of the election for less.

Rumor has it that Trump himself is calling for a recount from the committee, while his sidekick, Rudy Giuliani, is drafting up dozens of lawsuits to overturn the result. Mike Pence has declined to comment, while Mitch McConnell asked who these plebeians are.