SAN FRANCISCO -- Slap slap slap, clap clap clap. It is a dark day indeed for the glorious nation of Backhairistan. The current political climate in the United States is dire, with ICE raids occurring on innocent legal immigrants and American citizens alike.

Caught in the middle: Bolbi Stroganovsky. Once Presidential hopeful of his home country of Backhairistan, turned soccer superstar. With is abrupt arrest, signs can only point to a politically motivated disappearance. The justification? Bolbi had like one tweet originating from a Hamas parody account on X, the site formally known as "Slightly Racist Twitter". Dark days indeed.

His ascent to stardom has been unmatched and truely astounding. He is a true representation of the American dream. Immigrating to America as a child, and attending Lindbergh Elementary School getting a solid American education he later returned to his home country to compete on the national level. His failed transition to politics was mired with scandal and incompetency.

He returned to America earlier this year, in hopes of joining the MLS. Sadly he has fallen prey to the on-going immigrant roundups and was sent to the CECOT detention center in El Salvador. He has not been heard from since.