SAN FRANCISCO -- Salamalekum to McIlroy, and many blessing. Precision, repetition, focus. These are all traits required to saw a member of the press into multiple chunks in a timely manner without leaving much evidence. It just so happens that it is a requirement for professional golfers as well. What luck, as McIlroy's win triggers the unannounced "prize". McIlroy has been elevated to the supreme status of dissident dismemberers.

Unfortunately for DeChambeau he will be the practice dummy.