# 5th Quarter Sports

> Real articles on fake sports news.

5th Quarter Sports is a Sports News and Analysis Satire Site. Topics covered are the NBA, MLB, NFL, betting, and more.

## Categories

- [NFL / CFB](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football)
- [MLB](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball)
- [NBA](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball)
- [F1 / NASCAR](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/racing)
- [UFC / WWE](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat)
- [Misc](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc)

## Recent Articles

- [Mayor Zohran Mamdani Announces Bold New Economic Plan: “League of Legends Shutdown Gold”](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/mayor-zohran-mamdani-announces-bold-new-economic-plan-league-of-legends-shutdown-gold/): Mamdani has decided to take some drastic measures in the League of Legends scene, which includes changing the basics of bouties, ARAM, and more.
- [The NFL Initiated a Coach Shuffle To Distract From Referee Corruption](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-nfl-initiated-a-coach-shuffle-to-distract-from-referee-corruption/): RefGate is offical. The NFL has initated a wave of Head Coach firing to hide referee corruption. Are referees bribed? We think we have proof.
- [Former Ravens Head Coach John Harbaugh To Coach At Michigan](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/former-ravens-head-coach-john-harbaugh-to-coach-at-michigan/): Recently fired Baltimore Ravens Head Coach John Harbaugh set to head Michigan's football team after Kyle Whittingham departure back to Utah.
- [Conformity Gate Was Wrong: No Wednesday Night Football](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/conformity-gate-was-wrong-no-wednesday-night-football/): Once again we've fallen for an internet hoax at the end of the NFL season. Conformity Gate was incorrect, no Football on the 7th.
- [Justin Herbert's Girlfriend Madison Beer Revealed to be AI-generated Hologram by Coors](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/justin-herberts-girlfriend-madison-beer-revealed-to-be-ai-generated-hologram-by-coors/): It turns out that Madison Beer is just an elaborate marketing campaign by the Molson Coors Beverage Company.
- [Simmons Is Taking Jokić's Place On The Nuggests Against The 76ers. Revenge Game](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/simmons-is-taking-jokics-place-on-the-nuggests-against-the-76ers-revenge-game/): Nikola Jokić is out due to an injury. Who will ever take his place? That man is Clippers player Ben Simmons, out for revenge against the Philadelphia 76ers.
- [Oakland Athletics To Move To Venezuela Instead of Las Vegas](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/oakland-athletics-to-move-to-venezuela-instead-of-las-vegas/): The Oakland Athletics were set to move from Sacramento to Las Vegas in 2028. Now, they target Venezuela for their new stadium. Fans upset at John Fisher.
- [Top 5 NFL Players Who Would Have Helped Capture Maduro](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/top-5-nfl-players-who-would-have-helped-capture-maduro/): We dive into which NFL players would most likely step up to the call of duty and help capture Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro, if called to do so.
- [NCAA Transfer Portal Suffers Data Breach](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/ncaa-transfer-portal-suffers-data-breach/): The NCAA transfer portal experiences a data breach, players personally identifying information (PII) is for sale on the dark web.
- [There is a reason that Lane Kiffin left Ole Miss for LSU. Release the Lanestein files.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/there-is-a-reason-that-lane-kiffin-left-ole-miss-for-lsu-release-the-lanestein-files/): Release the unredacted Lanestein Files.
- [USA's 2026 Olympic Hockey Roster Would Be Better If Canada Was Annexed](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/usas-2026-olympic-hockey-roster-would-be-better-if-canada-was-annexed/): Jon Cooper is assembling a roster of psychos for USA's 2026 Olympic Hockey roster. But annexing Canada would be the true path to victory, unfortunatly.
- [Brandon Aiyuk Retires From NFL, Joins Haas Factory NASCAR Team](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/brandon-aiyuk-retires-from-nrl-joins-haas-factory-nascar-team/): San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk is retiring from the NFL and joining the Haas Factory Team in NASCAR after an absence and speeding video
- [Tip-Off at Bedtime: How the NBA Declared War on New Dads Everywhere](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/tip-off-at-bedtime-how-the-nba-declared-war-on-new-dads-everywhere/): Our recent father describes the trials of sleepless nights and juggling managing a baby with watching the Sacramento Kings.
- [Nigerian Football Team Super Eagles To Move To Los Angeles After Super Chargers Downfall](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/nigerian-football-team-super-eagles-to-move-to-los-angeles-after-super-chargers-downfall/): Fresh off their win against Uganda in the AFCON cup, the Nigerian Super Eagles prepare for their transition to Los Angeles
- [I Went to TopGolf 50 Times This Year. An Honest Review.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/i-went-to-topgolf-50-times-this-year-an-honest-review/): After nearly a year of going to TopGolf weekly, I give an honest review. From the food, to the games, to the clientele.
- [Zohran Mamdani To Take Over As NFL Commissioner. We Breakdown His Policies](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/zohran-mamdani-to-take-over-as-nfl-commissioner-on-january-1st-a-breakdown-of-his-proposed-policies/): With Rodger Goodell's ousting as NFL commissioner and Zohran Mamdani taking over on Jan 1st, we breakdown his proposed policies, from transportation to safety.
- [Patrick Mahomes Announces Retirement...from 2018-2025 Superbowl Streak](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/patrick-mahomes-announces-retirement/): Patrick Mahomes announces his retirement, from the streak of wins that brought the Chiefs to their 7 superbowl appearences. He will return after his ACL surgery
- [We Rank the Bars That You Go To Watch The Cowboys Lose On Christmas](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/we-rank-the-bars-that-you-go-to-watch-the-cowboys-lose-on-christmas/): Its Christmas. You might be alone, back home with your family, stopping by the liquor store, or at a chain sportsbar. Its Christmas and the Cowboys are on.
- [The Fultz Strategy: Will Darryn Peterson Save The Kings, And They Will Destroy Him](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/the-fultz-strategy-will-darryn-peterson-save-the-kings-and-they-will-destroy-him/): Darryn Peterson is the Sacramento King's only shot. Trade Zach LaVine, bring Nique Clifford up. Then pull a Markelle Fultz and setup the trade a year later.
- [The NBA Loses All H1B Visas. The EuroLeague Just Got Interesting, Replaces Eurovision](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/the-nba-loses-all-h1b-visas-the-euroleague-just-got-interesting-repleaces-eurovision/): The US government cancels H1-Bs in the NBA, mass deports Europlean NBA plauers. EuroLeague becomes the new EuroVision, Isaiah Thomas to join.
- [Free Denzel Perryman](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/free-denzel-perryman/): The NFL blatantly chooses to punish the Chargers once again by suspending Denzel Perryman instead of measurable increasing the safety of their league.
- [DK Metcalf Announces NFL Retirement to Join UFC Heavyweight Division](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/dk-metcalf-announces-nfl-retirement-to-join-ufc-heavyweight-division/): After punching a fan DK Metcalf announced his retirement from the NFL to change careers and sign with in the UFC heavyweight division; to fight Derick Lewis.
- [Ravens Retire Mascot Poe, New Mascot is Stavros Halkias](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/ravens-retire-mascot-poe-new-mascot-is-stavros-halkias/): The Raven's mascot, Poe, is a dated reference. To inject more blood into the team, the Ravens bring on Ronnie, Stavros Halkias' Baltimore-native character.
- [Jaxson Dart so Concussed He Accidentally Spells His Name "Jackson"](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/jaxson-dart-so-concussed-he-accidentally-spells-his-name-jackson/): Jaxon Dart has been under concussion protocols more often than not this season. The NFL must do something about these QB injuries.
- [Barstool Sports Banned From White House Press Briefings](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/breaking-barstool-sports-banned-from-white-house-press-briefings/): Barstool Sports banned from white house press briefings. Their press credentials are revoked, leaving the press pool even smaller.
- [Dodgers Luxury Tax Surpasses GDP of Uzbekistan](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/dodgers-luxury-tax-surpasses-gdp-of-uzbekistan/): After the 2025 World Series the Luxury Taxes which the MLB applies to each team has rolled out. And they're massive.
- [Chris Finch Ejected Timberwolves From Game For Saying The Lord's Prayer](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/chris-finch-ejected-timberwolves-from-game-for-saying-the-lords-prayer/): Chris Finch was ejected from the Timberwolves game for simply observing his faith courtside by reciting the Lord's Prayer.
- [Anderson Silva To Sign To RAF on Fox Nation](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/anderson-silva-to-sign-to-raf-on-fox-nation/): Anderson Silva has signed to Real American Freestyle (RAF) on Fox Nation after taking the undercard right against Tyrone Woodly fight as the Jake Paul undercard
- [76ers star Embiid fined $50K for whispering "6 7" during Knicks game](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/76ers-star-embiid-fined-50k-for-dropping-the-6-7/): Joel Embiid, star of the 76ers has been fined for being a meme-lord and dropping 6 7 after sinking a 3 pointer in the Knicks game.
- [Tenkaichi Budokai To Be Held At White House, Hosted By the UFC](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/tenkaichi-budokai-to-be-held-at-white-house/): This May the 7th, the Tenkaichi martial arts tournament is to be held on the White House groups. An epic 8 day PPV event, hosted by Dana White and the UFC.
- [We Finally Know What Is To Blame The NFL's ACL Tear Epidemic](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/we-finally-know-what-is-to-blame-the-nfls-acl-tear-epidemic/): Mahomes. Bosa. Parsons. Hill. We finally know what's behind the NFL's ACL epidemic, and the answer will surprise you. Players are just weaker than before.
- [Taylor Swift is not the Yoko Ono of the Chiefs. She's more like the Mark David Chapman](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/taylor-swift-is-not-the-yoko-ono-of-the-chiefs-shes-more-like-the-mark-david-chapman/): Taylor Swift is not the Yoko Ono of the Chiefs. She's the Mark David Chapman. Shes not ripping them apart, its more like an active assassination attempt.
- [InvestigateTheNFL. This is officially Ref Gate. The NFL is preplanned to a degree that the Soviet Union could only dream of](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/investigatethenfl-this-is-officially-ref-gate-the-nfl-is-preplanned-to-a-degree-that-the-soviet-union-could-only-dream-of/): This insanity needs to end. The NFL is the most corrupt sports organization in the world, bypassing the likes of FIFA. The Soviets are jealous of the planning.
- [The NFL and NBA to classify Essential Oils as Performance Enhancing Drugs (PEDs)](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/the-nfl-and-nba-to-classify-essential-oils-as-performance-enhancing-drugs-peds/): The list of oils which are to be banned by the NBA and NFL mainly focus on lavender oil, eucalyptus oil, and chamomile oil. Our mothers were right all along.
- [Thursday Night Football moving from Amazon Prime to Blockbuster Video](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/thursday-night-football-moving-from-amazon-prime-to-blockbuster-video/): To avoid anti-trust lawsuits Amazon is shedding it's TNF streaming. The only Blockbuster Video open in Bend, Oregon will live stream the games. At the store.
- [OpenAI announces partnership with ESPN through Disney deal. Sora generated NFL games to be released next season](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/openai-announces-partnership-with-espn-through-disney-deal-sora-generated-nfl-games-to-be-released-next-season/): The NFL and OpanAI have partnered through Disney. The NFL will be leveraging Agentic AI workflows, using datacenters near team cities for home games, and more.
- [Sherrone Moore is currently driving down the 405 in a White Bronco after being fired from Michigan](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/sherrone-moore-is-currently-driving-down-the-405-in-a-white-bronco-after-being-fired-from-michigan/): In a scene out of a 90's news room, Sherrone Moore is currently in a low-speed chase on the 405 driving a White Bronco. Are college football coaches okay?
- [Jerome Powell cuts price of hotdogs at MLB stadiums nationwide](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/jerome-powell-cuts-price-of-hotdogs-at-mlb-stadiums-nationwide/): After months of haranguing from the White House, Jerome Powell cuts the cost of a hotdog by a quarter of a percentage point at all MLB stadiums.
- [Extra Cheese, No Cap: Inside the Sacramento Kings’ Alleged Pizza Guys Payroll Scandal](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/extra-cheese-no-cap-inside-the-sacramento-kings-alleged-pizza-guys-payroll-scandal/): 5th Quarter Sports investigates he Sacramento Kings use of the Pizza Guys franchise as a way to circumvent the NBA salary cap.
- [Philip Rivers plans to come out of retirement for the Colts; My Dad has to come out of retirement because of Bitcoin](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/philip-rivers-plans-to-come-out-of-retirement-for-the-colts-my-dad-has-to-come-out-of-retirement-because-of-bitcoin/): Philip Rivers, a 44 year old man and recent grandfather, plans to comeout of retirement for the Colts. My father is coming out of retirement due to Bitcoin
- [The NFL Officially Allows Refs to Accept Bribes](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-nfl-officially-allows-refs-to-accept-bribes/): The NFL referee's have perfect timing which has been causing quite a stir in the NFL Gambling social media scene. Is it a Christmas miracle? No, bribes.
- [They're bringing back SoBe Tea! Just kidding noone likes that horse piss, AriZona supremacy](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/theyre-bringing-back-sobe-tea-just-kidding-noone-likes-that-horse-piss-arizona-supremacy/): They're bringing back SoBe Tea! Just kidding noone likes that horse piss, AriZona supremacy. We are waiting for the Shaq Soda re-release.
- [BYU Loses to Texas Tech. Second worst day to be a Mormon, followed by Joseph Smith's death](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/byu-loses-to-texas-tech-second-worst-day-to-be-a-mormon-followed-by-joseph-smiths-death/): BYU lost to Texas Tech. A wild day for College Football, and this loss marks a tragic day for Mormon Kind.
- [Zach Arnett to return to Mississippi State as Defensive Coordinator. This is like moving back in with your parents.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/zach-arnett-to-return-to-mississippi-state-as-defensive-coordinator-this-is-like-moving-back-in-with-your-parents/): This is a bit like moving back in with your parents. But with an interesting twist, some how for a brief moment you out rank your father. For a brief moment.
- [John Cena to retire next week; Return to focusing on rap career. Wokeism takes over the WWE as the Ruthless Agression Era ends.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/john-cena-to-retire-next-week-return-to-focusing-on-rap-career-wokeism-takes-over-the-wwe-as-the-ruthless-agression-era-ends/): It is the end of an era. The waning of the Ruthless Aggression Era. It is time for him to sit back, relax, and focus on what he really loves. The rap game.
- [Trump wins Peace Prize from well established Peace Prize giving establishment: FIFA](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/trump-wins-peace-prize-from-well-established-peace-prize-giving-establishment-fifa/): Alfred Nobel invented dynamite and the resulting destruction haunted him until he died. He made the organization FIFA, and it started accepting bribes quicly.
- [Release the Kiffin Files. Lanestein Grandy Jury Documents in Florida Case to be Released](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/release-the-kiffin-files-lanestein-grandy-jury-documents-in-florida-case-to-be-released/): Leak after leak after leak. The hidden Snapshot. The shirtless pictures. The boomer-coded texting and abbreviations.
- [Clippers released Chris Paul because he stabbed Lawrence Frank in the kidney](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/breaking-clippers-released-chris-paul-because-he-stabbed-lawrence-frank-in-the-kidney/): In a wild turn of events it was reported that on December 1st, 2025 CP3 stabbed Lawrence Frank in the kidney after an intense verbal argument.
- [The NFL Refuses To Ban Lobotomies](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-nfl-refuses-to-ban-lobotomies/): The NFL refuses to ban lobotomies. They're not performance enhacing unless a player is on the offensive line. They're actually essential to the NY Giant's plays
- [Kings vs Grizzlies Pregame Stats](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/kings-vs-grizzlies-pregame-stats/): A look into how the Kings will do against the Grizzlies on November 30th, 2025.


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