# 5th Quarter Sports

> Sports news. Totally Real. Not your grandpa's takes

5th Quarter Sports delivers satirical sports commentary and analysis covering the NBA, MLB, NFL, UFC, and more.

## Categories

- [NFL / CFB](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football)
- [MLB](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball)
- [NBA](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball)
- [F1 / NASCAR](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/racing)
- [UFC / WWE](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat)
- [Misc](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc)

## Recent Articles

- [The Bay Area Gets Another Tugboat. The End Of The Ballad of Patrick Bailey](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/the-bay-area-gets-another-tugboat-the-end-of-the-ballad-of-patrick-bailey/): Patrick Bailey has been traded to the Gaurdians for 
- [UFC 328: Khamzat v Strickland, Front Kicks vs Not Getting Front Kicked](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/ufc-328-khamzat-v-strickland-front-kicks-vs-not-getting-front-kicked/): UFC 238 is not happening because it will be an entertaining fight. It is happening because the weigh in will be more exciting than the fight itsself.
- [Report: While Playing GTA As A Child Joe Burrow Would Follow Sex Workers Around For Hours](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/report-while-playing-gta-as-a-child-joe-burrow-would-follow-sex-workers-around-for-hours/): During an interview at the Kentucky Derby, Bengals Quarterback Joe Burrow gave a wide ranging interview, including his past GTA habits.
- [Aaron Rogers Retires From NFL After 21 Seasons; Nominated For Secretary of HHS](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/aaron-rogers-retires-from-nfl-after-21-seasons-nominated-for-secretary-of-hhs/): After a storied career in the NFL, Steelers quarterback Aaron Rogers announces his retirment, marking his tenure in the league at 21 seasons.
- [New NBA Rule Allows Team Owners To Challenge Refs](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/new-nba-rule-allows-team-owners-to-challenge-refs/): If a guy owns the team, shouldn’t he get a say in the game?
- [Diego Pavia Is The Least Controversial Heisman Finalist in Recent Memory](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/diego-pavia-is-the-least-controversial-heisman-finalist-in-recent-memory/): While Pavia was a Heisman finalist, he went undrafted in the 2026 draft. We review past Heisman winners in comparision.
- [76ers star Embiid fined $50K for whispering 6 or 7 during Celtics game](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/76ers-star-embiid-fined-50k-for-dropping-the-6-7/): Joel Embiid, star of the 76ers has been fined for being a meme-lord and dropping 6 7 after sinking a 3 pointer in the Celtics game 4.
- [The War With Iran Is Just a Distraction For The NBA Playoffs](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/the-war-with-iran-is-just-a-distraction-for-the-nba-playoffs/): The chain of events from the NBA's dying viewership to the latest war in the Middle East are directly correlated.
- [Fernando Mendoza: Somehow Not A Member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/fernando-mendoza-somehow-not-a-member-of-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints/): Fernando Mendoza, the No. 1 pick for the Raiders in the 2026 NFL draft defies all odds by not being a Mormon.
- [After Dangerous Climb Of Taipei 101, Alex Honnold Announces Plan To Climb The Social Ladder](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/after-dangerous-climb-of-taipei-101-alex-honnold-announces-plan-to-climb-the-social-ladder/): Just another feather in his cap
- [NBA and Palantir Partnership Announced To Track Players On and Off The Court](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/nba-and-palantir-partnership-announced-to-track-players-on-and-off-the-court/): The NBA has parterned with Palantir for a new data analytics platform. This partnership has come under fire for Palantir's recent government contracts.
- [Freaky Friday: Brock Lesnar and Brock Osweiler Bump Heads and Switch Bodes](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/freaky-friday-brock-lenar-and-brock-osweiler-bump-heads-and-switch-bodes/): Brock Lesnar and Brock Osweiler swap bodies during Wrestlemania. It's the battle of the Brocks.
- [The Giants are Stacked for the 2026 Draft. How Will They Mess It Up?](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-giants-are-stacked-for-the-2026-draft-how-will-they-mess-it-up/): The New York Giants have positioned themselves very well for the 2026 draft after trading Dexter Lawrence to the Bengals. Where will this go all wrong? 
- [The NBA Finals, Prime Video, and the K Shaped Economy](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/the-nba-finals-prime-video-and-the-k-shaped-economy/): The US economy futher striates with the K Shaped recovery. What this means for NBA fans during the finals without Prime Video.
- [Doc Rivers Announces Retirement From Coaching, Plans To Return as a Free Agent](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/doc-rivers-announces-retirement-from-coaching-plans-to-return-as-a-free-agent/): Milwaukee Bucks coach and former NBA player Doc Rivers announces his retirement as a coach.
- [Josh Hokit is the final form of the WWE-ification of the UFC](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/josh-hokit-is-the-final-form-of-the-wwe-ification-of-the-ufc/): The downfall of the combat world has reached the lowest of lows. And its only down from here.
- [NBA Playoffs: Do Meaningful Games Mean Betting Opportunity?](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/nba-playoffs-do-meaningful-games-mean-betting-opportunity/): Anybody with the slighted hint of ball-knowledge knows that betting NBA props is difficult toward the middle/end of the NBA regular season.
- [WNBA Draft Recap: Toes, Hoes and Woes](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/wnba-draft-recap-toes-hoes-and-woes/): Lauren Betts is a 6’7” Center leading UCLA to the national championship earlier this month. PrizePicks odds were -270 for Lauren Betts to be selected anywhere in the Top 3. A $100 wager would payout $136.
- [Pope Leo XIV Speaks Out Against the Tush Push](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/pope-leo-xiv-speaks-out-against-the-tush-push/): His Holiness opened up on the ethics of the Tush Push, causing the second American schism of the week.
- [Are the 25-26 Kings The Worst NBA Team Ever?](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/are-the-25-26-kings-the-worst-nba-team-ever/): I think we all know the answer if the Kings are maybe the worst team of all time in the 2025-26 season.
- [The Rise of the Gen-Z Stare in the NBA](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/the-rise-of-the-gen-z-stare-in-the-nba/): As the league ages, can they keep up with the attitudes of the newer generation? How is the Thunder the new Warriors?
- [League of Legends Champs That NFL Quarterbacks Main](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/league-of-legends-champs-that-nfl-quarterbacks-main/): We dig deep into League meta and the 2026 NFL Quarterback lineup to find which champion they play as their mains.
- [Bran Podziemski, First Of His Name, Ascends Throne After Defeating Kings With 30 Point Game.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/bran-podziemski-first-of-his-name-ascends-throne-after-defeating-kings-with-30-point-game/): How the NBA has strong and strange parallels to the worlds of popular fantasy novels.
- [Mike Vrabel is a Victim. Noone should be forced to coach the post-Brady Patriots.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/mike-vrabel-is-a-victim-noone-should-be-forced-to-coach-the-post-brady-patriots/): Vrabel worked his way down from the Titans, to the Browns, to leaking to TMZ and Shams, and finally fell rock bottom to the Patriots.
- [IZZY, DDP, AND THE “REAL AFRICAN” ARC: A STORY OF PRIDE, PAIN, AND PERMANENT GROUP CHAT RECEIPTS](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/izzy-ddp-and-the-real-african-arc-a-story-of-pride-pain-and-permanent-group-chat-receipts/): We break down the Adesanya vs Du Plessis arc and where it goes next.
- [After DUI, Tiger Woods Signs With The University of Georgia Bulldogs](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/after-dui-tiger-woods-signs-with-the-university-of-georgia-bulldogs/): Tiger Woods signs with the University of Georgia Bulldogs after his latest DUI charge in Florida. TGL plans put on hold.
- [Draymond Green DESTROYS Ref With FACTS And LOGIC](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/draymond-green-destroys-ref-with-facts-and-logic/): Scott Foster finally gets his.
- [Hamilton Seals Ferraris’ Fate](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/racing/hamilton-seals-ferraris-fate/): Fear is the only thing faster than Ferraris' new car withe the rumored "Kardashian Curse"
- [Lisa Vittozzi Crowned Italy’s First Gold Medal Snow Assassin](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/lisa-vittozzi-crowned-italy-s-first-gold-medal-snow-assassin/): Bang. Bang bang bang.
- [I Finished Last In Fantasy Football; What It Taught Me About B2B Sales](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/i-finished-last-in-fantasy-football-what-it-taught-me-about-b2b-sales/): My B2B sales strategy is ripped straight from my Fantasy Football playbook. I come in last every year, and have made $0 in commissions.
- [Supreme Court Upholds Ban On Joey Lucchesi’s Weird “Churve” Pitch](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/supreme-court-upholds-ban-on-joey-lucchesi-s-weird-churve-pitch/): Think of the children!
- [Start Star Sign Maxxing Your NFL Bets Next Season](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/start-star-sign-maxxing-your-nfl-bets-next-season/): The optimal sports betting strategy has been discovered. Relying on horoscopes and star signs, you can win big next NFL season.
- [Mayor Zohran Mamdani Announces Bold New Economic Plan: “League of Legends Shutdown Gold”](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/mayor-zohran-mamdani-announces-bold-new-economic-plan-league-of-legends-shutdown-gold/): Mamdani has decided to take some drastic measures in the League of Legends scene, which includes changing the basics of bouties, ARAM, and more.
- [The NFL Initiated a Coach Shuffle To Distract From Referee Corruption](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-nfl-initiated-a-coach-shuffle-to-distract-from-referee-corruption/): RefGate is offical. The NFL has initated a wave of Head Coach firing to hide referee corruption. Are referees bribed? We think we have proof.
- [Former Ravens Head Coach John Harbaugh To Coach At Michigan](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/former-ravens-head-coach-john-harbaugh-to-coach-at-michigan/): Recently fired Baltimore Ravens Head Coach John Harbaugh set to head Michigan's football team after Kyle Whittingham departure back to Utah.
- [Conformity Gate Was Wrong: No Wednesday Night Football](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/conformity-gate-was-wrong-no-wednesday-night-football/): Once again we've fallen for an internet hoax at the end of the NFL season. Conformity Gate was incorrect, no Football on the 7th.
- [Justin Herbert's Girlfriend Madison Beer Revealed to be AI-generated Hologram by Coors](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/justin-herberts-girlfriend-madison-beer-revealed-to-be-ai-generated-hologram-by-coors/): It turns out that Madison Beer is just an elaborate marketing campaign by the Molson Coors Beverage Company.
- [Simmons Is Taking Jokić's Place On The Nuggests Against The 76ers. Revenge Game](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/simmons-is-taking-jokics-place-on-the-nuggests-against-the-76ers-revenge-game/): Nikola Jokić is out due to an injury. Who will ever take his place? That man is Clippers player Ben Simmons, out for revenge against the Philadelphia 76ers.
- [Oakland Athletics To Move To Venezuela Instead of Las Vegas](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/oakland-athletics-to-move-to-venezuela-instead-of-las-vegas/): The Oakland Athletics were set to move from Sacramento to Las Vegas in 2028. Now, they target Venezuela for their new stadium. Fans upset at John Fisher.
- [Top 5 NFL Players Who Would Have Helped Capture Maduro](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/top-5-nfl-players-who-would-have-helped-capture-maduro/): We dive into which NFL players would most likely step up to the call of duty and help capture Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro, if called to do so.
- [NCAA Transfer Portal Suffers Data Breach](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/ncaa-transfer-portal-suffers-data-breach/): The NCAA transfer portal experiences a data breach, players personally identifying information (PII) is for sale on the dark web.
- [There is a reason that Lane Kiffin left Ole Miss for LSU. Release the Lanestein files.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/there-is-a-reason-that-lane-kiffin-left-ole-miss-for-lsu-release-the-lanestein-files/): Release the unredacted Lanestein Files.
- [USA's 2026 Olympic Hockey Roster Would Be Better If Canada Was Annexed](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/usas-2026-olympic-hockey-roster-would-be-better-if-canada-was-annexed/): Jon Cooper is assembling a roster of psychos for USA's 2026 Olympic Hockey roster. But annexing Canada would be the true path to victory, unfortunatly.
- [Brandon Aiyuk Retires From NFL, Joins Haas Factory NASCAR Team](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/brandon-aiyuk-retires-from-nrl-joins-haas-factory-nascar-team/): San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk is retiring from the NFL and joining the Haas Factory Team in NASCAR after an absence and speeding video
- [Tip-Off at Bedtime: How the NBA Declared War on New Dads Everywhere](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/tip-off-at-bedtime-how-the-nba-declared-war-on-new-dads-everywhere/): Our recent father describes the trials of sleepless nights and juggling managing a baby with watching the Sacramento Kings.
- [Nigerian Football Team Super Eagles To Move To Los Angeles After Super Chargers Downfall](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/nigerian-football-team-super-eagles-to-move-to-los-angeles-after-super-chargers-downfall/): Fresh off their win against Uganda in the AFCON cup, the Nigerian Super Eagles prepare for their transition to Los Angeles
- [I Went to TopGolf 50 Times This Year. An Honest Review.](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/i-went-to-topgolf-50-times-this-year-an-honest-review/): After nearly a year of going to TopGolf weekly, I give an honest review. From the food, to the games, to the clientele.
- [Zohran Mamdani To Take Over As NFL Commissioner. We Breakdown His Policies](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/zohran-mamdani-to-take-over-as-nfl-commissioner-on-january-1st-a-breakdown-of-his-proposed-policies/): With Rodger Goodell's ousting as NFL commissioner and Zohran Mamdani taking over on Jan 1st, we breakdown his proposed policies, from transportation to safety.
- [Patrick Mahomes Announces Retirement...from 2018-2025 Superbowl Streak](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/patrick-mahomes-announces-retirement/): Patrick Mahomes announces his retirement, from the streak of wins that brought the Chiefs to their 7 superbowl appearences. He will return after his ACL surgery
- [We Rank the Bars That You Go To Watch The Cowboys Lose On Christmas](https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/we-rank-the-bars-that-you-go-to-watch-the-cowboys-lose-on-christmas/): Its Christmas. You might be alone, back home with your family, stopping by the liquor store, or at a chain sportsbar. Its Christmas and the Cowboys are on.


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