7 Children Become Orphans After Giant's Win at LA

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5thQ Staff Writer


SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It is that fateful day in 2003 all over again. Look, some people are predisposed to fits of rage. We get it. I’ve thrown a PS5 controller at a brand new OLED screen fresh from the Costco lot, like anyone else has. However, when it comes to murdering the fans of the opposing team, that is where 5thQuarterSports draws the line.

If this happens once, it is a fluke. Twice, coincidence and not causation. If the Dodgers fan murder a Giants fan in cold blood for a third through tenth time in one sitting, well then, that is where we draw the line. Lining Giants fans up, execution style, and nestling lead deep within their gray matter just is not right. Especially when done in front of their crying children. Some things are sacred. Baseball for one, family for two (just ask Vin Diesel).

Offing fans is one thing, however players are a different matter entirely. We are actively rooting for the ancient Aztec sport of Ōllamalitzli to make a return. Yes, it is dark. Think about this though, the players are conscripted into playing. It is their necks at the chopping block, literally. If one loses, one becomes the ball. It is the circle of life, as Huitzilopochtli desires.

Regardless, 5thQuarterSports advocates for less death during sporting events. It just makes it dark. Come on.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
The staff writer, because whoever wrote it was too afraid to put thier name on it.