Ball Thrown By Trever Bauer Linked to NY Super Spreader Event

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Look, don’t ask us why 40 people were all kissing a baseball in the middle of a pandemic. 5thQuarterSports does not analyze events, just accurately and diligently reports on them.

Regardless, the ball thrown by Angels pitcher Trevor Bauer has caused quite the sensation among New York socialites. The ball was last seen in a TikTok video being gently caressed by an influencer at an illegal rave held in now closed “Jimmy’s Antiques and Hotdogs”. Other photographs have the ball tagged on Instagram, being tossed through the air and bunted across the dance floor.

This event was shut down by the NYPD hours after it started, but it appears that this was too late. 38/40 of the attendees have tested positive for Corvid-19. None have reportedly quarantined. Half have shared links to the next event.

Angels GM Perry Minasian has made it publically clear that this ball’s laissez faire attitude towards this national crisis does not represent his franchise at all. He has further stated that the ball has been removed from the starting ball rotation, and will have to work hard to earn that spot back after putting the whole league and staff at risk.

”We could not reach the ball for further comment.”

5thQuarterSports reached out to Bauer to ask his opinion on this issue. To our great surprise, there was no response. We have made up this post-game quote, in a desperate attempt to mitigate this situation: “This is...shocking. It is a real upset for the whole team, when one piece of equipment goes out of line like this, it puts the whole team in a bad light. You just don’t see the bases hop onto a jet to attend reckless events like this. It’s disgraceful. To think he had only touched my palm 14 hours ago. Disgusting.” - Totally Not Trevor Bauer.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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Pope | @MelloFelloYello
Did you play on my drumset?