BooHoo: The Biggest Cry Baby In The NBA

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Pope

2021-04-03


SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Some players piss and moan. Some players (DJ Cooper) piss, some players (LeBron James) moan. We here at 5thQuarterSports are curious. Who pisses and moans the most? Who, in short, is the biggest Cwy Baby? Who pees their pants and makes the car ride home awful?

To first answer this question, let’s take a look at two key stats: technical fouls and ejections through the years. Cry babies get T.Fouls, cry babies get ejected.

League Wide Ejections

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One thing is clear. There was a PEAK amount of ejections during the 2001 season. The reason? You guessed it. Scientists have pinned this increase of intensity to none other than 9/11. We’re not talking about 311 who wrote the hit song Amber. Sadly, we’re talking about the terrorist attack against the greatest nation in central North America.

Taking a second look, we see an increase of general league saltiness coming up in 2018. Once again, scientists have drawn an obvious conclusion from this data. NBA ejection tensions predicted COVID-19 a whole two years before it swept across the globe. Interesting stuff!

League Wide Technical Fouls

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If you think the scientists of the world can draw the same conclusions from league’s ejections compared to the league’s technical fouls, you’re DEAD wrong.

What can we see here? Well, tensions boiled over in 2002, then has steadily tapered off. Possibly the rise of 9/11 based jokes cooling off the nation? Hard to say.

Now, let’s take a look at the meat and bones of this whole ordeal. Who, personally, can we target in this? The results are surprising to me personally, however that could be related to general lack of NBA knowledge. I was furiously Googling the difference between technical fouls and personal fouls JUST before writing this article.

Biggest Cwy Baby: Technical Fouls

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Here are the top foulers in the game. Dwight Howard is, by far, the largest cry baby looking at this data. What is interesting here though is how player’s bitching has changed over time. Towards the end, Shaq became comparatively more of a sad boi than the late 90s. Coincides with vaporwave? Who can say.

However, Dwight Howard, and Rasheed Wallace have peaks of aggression, each reaching a point of 42 technicals in a season. Dikembe Mutombo coming in a close third with 41 technicals in a game.

Kevin Garnett and Dirk Nowitzki forsure have the most sustained tears over time.

Biggest Cwy Baby: Ejections

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Okay, here it is obvious, Wallace is certainly the king of throwing a fit. Ejections happen much less frequently than technical fouls, so here we are looking simply at who has the greater share of them.

Conclusion?

Rasheed Wallace seems to have big ol’ crocodile tears running down his face. Have people called him names his whole life? Quite possibly. In a close second is Dwight Howard. Like, Jesus dude, that is alot of technical fouls.

Hugs and kisses.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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Pope | @MelloFelloYello
Did you play on my drumset?

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