But-Her-Fingers, Get A Grip On The Damn Ball!

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Pope

2021-06-20


The NBA is full of amazing athletes. They've spent years honing their skills on the court, they've spent countless hours understanding the game, they've sacrificed many things to get where they are. With all that said, the 5thQ staff has one question: Why do these men cover their fingers in sweet cream unsalted butter before each game?

In this article, we'll attempt to break down who has the most buttery fingers. We've combed our very own NBA database for this data. We'll see in what scenarios they let the ball slip past their fingers. Judging by these stats, it seems that some of the best players hangout at the movie theaters before the game, fist deep in a gallon bucket of popcorn, and forget to wash their hands before entering the court.



We can see here, the late great Kobe Bryant carries the stat for the total misses in the NBA. It takes guts to be amazing, and it is laid bare in our analysis. Now, please keep in mind, these are RAW numbers since the 1996-97 season. This is not the ratio of missed to attempted shots. Regardless, that ball is slippery.


Next up: Missed Layups. King James seems to be leading on this one. Was he seeing an early screening of the new Space Jam movie before these games? His finger tips coated in synthetic butter? Who can say. This breakdown is much closer between those who miss than total shots. The layup is just dangerous.

Before I start to bore you, lets look at a stat where a super-star doesn't dominate just due to their sheer number of shots.


It looks like Ray Allen, who hasn't played for a good 7 years, dominates this stat. While he may be clutch on the Big Three, generally the three point jumpers have given him some troubles.

Anyways, these are the players who have greasy, greasy fingers. Could be blame it on 'these people take the majority of shots'? No. Be reasonable. They handled a bottle of olive oil before heading on court. It is the only explanation.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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Pope | @MelloFelloYello
Did you play on my drumset?

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