Kyrie Irving Abandons Flat Earth Theory!!

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Danny Dimes


Kyrie Irving has decided to back down from his previous Flat Earth stances and announce that he has taken up a new theory, Cubed Earth Theory! And we no we aren't talking about the Shark Tank dude. The Earth is Cube shaped! He said the thought came to him in the shower, “I was in the shower thinking about Gravity, Dimensions, Aeronautics and Quantum Physics when suddenly it dawned on me… Maybe the Earth isn't flat after all? Maybe it’s a cube! That would explain how China is underneath us!” 

He then continued his rant to explain, “This explains how when a ship departs on the horizon the ship eventually disappears, it's just moved to another side of the cube! That was the only part of the Flat Earth theory I didn't understand!!” he exclaimed before offering me some mushrooms he pulled from his gym bag. “All those photos of the earth from space showing it as round are photoshopped, how come no matter how high the elevation is at the point I’m standing, the horizon is always at eye-level? Explain that Nasa!?” I then took that as my cue to leave before things escalated to Gary Busey levels. I haven't had a conversation that awakening since I interviewed Dennis Rodman during one of his body Piercing appointments!!

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Danny Dimes | @DannyDimes420
Droppin' dimes and squeezing limes.