Report: Antonio Brown Was Too Warm on Field

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5thQ Staff Writer


SAN FRANCISCO -- There have been many theories swirling around about Antonio Brown's recent 'outburst' on field. There have been numerous reports around this event. I assume this is because there is nothing else plaguing the whole Earth at this time. Reports of being forced to play with an injury, reports of quitting the team, and reports of a classic case of CTE have been flying left and right by many major publications, sports related and otherwise. However, 5thQuarterSport's diligent on-the-field reporters have stumbled onto the truth.

Antonio Brown was too hot. He was warm. Got a case of brain fever, and the fella had to take his shirt off. Case closed. Why is every talking about an overheated man with such zealousness, bitterness, and rage? Many have called for him to be pulled from the Bucs. Many have called for public apologies. I say: you must apologize, world. When the bastards of society speak out at once, the angels of the world - such as Antino Brown - must respond with love kindness and compassion. For those who call for vile acts against him know not what they say. The man was toasty, and the many gargoyles spitting fire at him are doing nothing to cool him off.

For shame to all the negative voices. Many are acting as if they themselves haven't ripped off their shirts in a fit of increased body temperature during their lunch rush at a local Cold Stone Creamery, storming off mid-shift, refusing to participate in yet another literal song and dance. Look yourself in the mirror, cretins. Man was hot, and you are not.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
The staff writer, because whoever wrote it was too afraid to put thier name on it.