Brazilian NASCAR series considering clockwise races

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Tom Robertson


Newly founded Brazilian NASCAR feeder series BRAZCAR has stated that due to the coriolis effect in the southern hemisphere some races may be held in a clockwise direction.

The coriolis effect, best known for causing drains in the northern hemisphere to swirl counterclockwise*, would act as an outward force on cars running in the traditional direction likely flinging them violently into the crowd. Despite the obvious attraction of this to TV viewers, health and safety officials have vetoed the idea.

The clockwise direction is likely to deter US competitors from attempting the series given they have absolutely no idea how to turn right. 5Q sports reached out to a number of drivers who all had serious concerns.

“I’d barely be out the pit lane before panicking and pulling a yooey” - Ricky Bobby

“My neck can’t turn right, it seized up years ago” - Trip Murphy

Conventional stock car chassis are biased to turning left and the most economical approach to switching them is just to mirror the entire car. The prospect of left hand drive vehicles has of course been a draw for British and Australian drivers.

“Oh goodness gracious me. Yes I would jolly well love to have a go and stick it to some foreigners, I’ll get over there quicker than Harry and Meghan.” - Sir Marmaduke Kensington

“Count me in Mate, I could winna race on a bloody left hand drive kangaroo” - (5Q sports regrets that this interviewees name was unintelligible)

Despite the safety concerns, an influx of limeys and ozzies and the LATAM audience being generally too intelligent for oval racing the organizers are charging ahead and BRAZCAR will likely be gracing YouTube fail compilations next year.

for anyone who isn’t aware, this is bullshit

Who Wrote This Crap?

Tom Robertson