WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Supreme Court on Friday upheld a congressional ban on MLB pitcher Joey Lucchesi’s trademark throw, a unique changeup curveball that he calls a “churve.”

Lucchesi, currently a free agent, is the only player known to throw the unconventional pitch. He is also the only player mentioned in the ban, which was passed in July 2025 as part of The One Big Beautiful Bill and enforced three months ago when Lucchesi was released from The San Francisco Giants.

After catching wind of a legal challenge from Lucchesi’s lawyers, SCOTUS quickly heard the case and announced its decision to uphold the ban.

“It’s unnatural,” said Justice Amy Coney Barrett, who wrote the majority opinion in the court’s ruling. “Apple pie, I mean baseball, is American as apple pie. It needs to be played the right way or not at all.”

Barrett went on to quote directly from Focus on the Family, particularly the claim that an unencumbered Lucchesi could influence the nation’s youth to pursue nontraditional pitches and view experimentation in a dangerously positive light.

Justice Brett Kavanaugh, noticeably angered by the topic, said, “Look, this changeup curveball- I’m not gonna call it that ridiculous name- whatever this stupid “pitch” that Lucchesi’s been throwing is- it’s not right. It’s not. Those f-----’ Padres should’ve hazed this out of him when he was a rookie- but whatever- we’re gonna figure something out at the next meet-up for Beach Week Ralph Club.”