SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH -- Freshly off Ellis Island and with their new American names, "John Smith", "Malachi Johnson", and "Dave Nbusters" have officially joined the BYU men's basketball team. Coach Keven Young (yes, that is actually the real name of the BYU men's basketball coach in 2025 we didn't make this part up) is excited to welcome the newcomers.

"We've needed some diversity on this team for quite some time", he says in a recent interview.

We quizzled Grok, the semi-sentient AI trained by billionaire of South African origin Elon Musk, about this development. There have been claims that it has been overtrained by information booklets about a genocide in the region. When prompted it claimed it had no idea about the subject, that it wasn't recently fed with a few hundred man hours of reading materials, and that you should make your opinions based on your own experiences. An interesting and frankly unexpected response.

We're excited to track the newcomer's stats this season and will be watching closely at their gameplay. However their refusal to share the court with players of Asiatic descent is concerning and does not bode well for the season.