Drafting Matt Stafford First For My Fantasy Team Was The Best Decision Of My Life

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5thQ Staff Writer

2021-09-28


SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- A few weeks have passed since the remote 5thQuarterSports fantasy draft. The legendary in-person event has sadly been sent into the realm of ‘full remote’, due to CORVID-19. Gone are the days of chips and dip. Welcome to the era of microwave bean-and-chee burritos infront of a standup desk. I am digressing, what are we really here to talk about? Well, it is one piece of advice.

That advice is as follows: ignore the cautionary tales of your friends and family. Turn a blind eye, and fill your ears with air pods when they tell you that you are making a huge mistake. Announce the plan early to your fellow drafters. Sing it loud, sing it proud: You’re drafting Matt Stafford as your first round pick.

Why is this drafting strategy particularly good this year? Well, that answer is easy: The Rams BAYBEE.

I praise Jesus every morning that Stafford isn’t on the Lions.

I praise Allah every morning that Stafford isn’t on the Lions.

I praise Elmo every morning that Stafford isn’t on the Lions.

The analysts at 5thQuarterSports have asked the important questions, like Does Matthew Stafford Suck? and we’ve come up with definitive proof that he does not, in fact, suck. With this info in mind, keep one strategy in mind: do not draft anyone from the Lions. Your loved ones might laugh and call you names if you draft Stafford first, but they’ll lose all respect for you if you take the ‘road less taken’ of drafting someone from the Lions in the first round.

Who Wrote This Crap?

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5thQ Staff Writer | @5thQSports
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