INGLEWOOD, California – Once again no one is calling for the NFL to ban lobotomies for players, and just like last time, the league is flat out refusing to do so.

Commissioner Roger Goodell responded today to the public’s lack of demands, saying that voluntary lobotomies “may have no place” in the league, but that the NFL will never outright ban the operation.

“If we can’t have an entirely lobotomized league, then we probably want zero, but still, it isn’t our place to ban it altogether,” said Goodell. “Besides, ratings are up. The people don’t want a lobotomy ban.”

Senior VP of Communications Katie Hill, also feeling the absence of pressure, had this to say:

“An NFL player severing his prefrontal cortex seems a bit redundant, no? Sounds like a nonissue to me. However, I suppose that, given all their preexisting brain damage, plus the rise of voluntary lobotomies to mainstream popularity, it’s conceivable it could become a trend among players. Even then we wouldn’t shut it down.

“Look, obviously we don’t want players to butcher their brains too early in their careers, but if someone wants to blunt this insufferable reality and jumpstart their mental decline, that’s between them, God, and their healthcare provider.”