SAN FRANCISCO -- One hears more and more about how the youth of America are becoming hopelessly enthralled in the world of online sports gambling. They're literal taps on their screen away from winning life-changing amounts of money, all for the entry fee of $5 and the first time is free. Gambling Addiction Hotlines operators are wading through a record number of calls from the troubled disillusioned youth. The operators themselves are experiencing a record high in suicides, but that is mainly attributed to a change in the management structure of the main aggregated Addition/Crisis Hotline company (they're all under one Private Equity firm called BlackRock Private Equity Partners.) Some hyper-competitive incentivisation scheme, and an internal wagering pool predicated on the operator with the lowest calls-to-time-spent-on-phone for that quarter. A vicious, cyclical paradigm where the Gambling Addition Hotline operators then subsequently get addicted to the wagering pool and call into the Gambling Addition Hotline just to speak to the person sitting to their right. And often neither of them has the gall to acknowledge this predicament, so they go through with the conversation fighting through the delayed echo effect of the voice next to them hitting their ear drums MUCH faster than the signal from the phone. There was one purported case of a Gambling Addition Hotline operator actually being connected to themselves, as they called from their personal cellular device whilst at their desk. And, due to the cruel aforementioned company incentivized policy, they realized that they could actually call themselves to game the system. But, they had to make it look reasonable, as a call which ended "too-short" triggers the internal detection system which disregards too-short calls. So they balanced between 2-5 minutes per-self call on the recorded line, disguising their voice and muffling one microphone while juggling calls, as calls are recorded for Training Purposes. They won two fiscal quarters in a row before being reported by the Gambling Addition Hotline operator to their left.

There are two generations of young men coming face to face with the fact that the American dream is infact dead or maybe never even existed, and within 5 years there will be a third generation joining these ranks. They see that the true success in this nation-of-the-free is either luck, or the luck of your forefathers coupled with the compound-interest of the stock-market. The solution is presented right to them inbetween bouts of Monday Night Football in the form of a brightly colored app on their personal cellular device. The Oracle whispers forbidden knowledge into their ears through their wireless Bluetooth enabled ear-buds. Same-game-parlay, the harpies talons rank down the back of their neck, caressing their spine and making the gray matter of their brains quiver with delight and ecstasy. First-games-free. The phrase has enough to cause one to ejaculate in their trousers.

If COIVD was a world-changing pandemic, the same-game-parlay might as well be the modern day black plague. And the Robinhood/WeBull darkpool options trading can be equated to cancer mixed with AIDS concocted in a sterile lab and smuggled out by a disgruntled Erlenmeyer-Flask-Jockey. "The Singularity is Near", as the great pianist Ray Kurzwei once put on the dust jacket of a shitty book. The Event Horizon? You guessed it, same-game-parlays and first-games-free. The Devil's greatest trick was convincing man that Keegan Murray, Russell Westbrook, Sabonis, and Malik Monk can each score over 24 pts in a single game.

The revolution will not be televised, it will be organized in group chats, discords, and through encrypted smoke signals.

Anyways, the much like the Spanish Flu (Spain's flu game, 23), the virus has spread into nursing homes devastating not only the geriatric populations which built this broken country, but also the projected Estate Taxes for the next decade. The IRS is in absolute shambles, their perfectly crafted forecasting models have been disproven by a Black Swan event over night, Nassim Nicholas Taleb you son-of-a-bitch we should have listened. Luck giveth, and luck taketh away. I will not be joining the ranks of the oligarchs, will not dine at the table of Zuck, Musk, or Ellison. I will eat Wendys, jack off, and sleep fitfully knowing that this great nation-of-the-free has balance and everyone belongs in their place. America is the ultimate expression of predestination whilst simultaneously taking the free will paradox to the most extreme by giving 16 year olds access to guns and porn (a 4chan cocktail as its called in some circles.) America was Conceived Immaculately, a virgin land if you don't count the thousands of people living here already. And when it comes to pass that it shall give up the ghost we can rest easily knowing it was all our faults.