SACRAMENTO -- Earlier this year, I moved down the street from a TopGolf (guess the location from the dateline). I'm not stranger to the links, I've played my fair amount and have been to courses across the Sacramento area. My favorite being The Ridge, with Lake of the Pines in spitting distance. I'm not saying I'm necessarily good at golf, my handicap is 28, but with the death of Point B in the world its something to besides bed rot while using my phone. Getting to the range has been challenging in general, and I've generally played more than I've practiced. This hasn't improved my game. That being said I'm not one to get upset over scores, shanked shots, or missed putts. I have resignation but not emotion. Golf is not playing against others, it is playing with yourself until you're raw.
So when I noticed my new proximity to the 3 story establishment, the Mecca of upper middle class child birthday parties, I decided to set a goal. Go once a week for the year. I didn't quite achieve that, things happen, but I did double-up or triple-up on some weeks to make up for the misses. I decided to finally organize my thoughts after going for such an extended period. Note, I wasn't unfamiliar with the establishment before going, I just hadn't attended with any regularity.
A brief rundown on the concept for those who don't know. TopGolfs are 3 story driving ranges which provide clubs (bring your own). They serve food and drinks. There is a screen which shows simulations of the balls, and you can play what are the equivalent of mobile games. Its a simple concept: what if they opened driving range with food that you can't smoke at. It is like Abu Ghraib for girlfriends who don't like golf.
Golfing Alone
By far the most I went was alone. I had never read the book Bowling Alone, but the gist as I understand it is that there is a decline in social interaction in American life and general civic disinterest leading to the erosion of the American lifestyle and democracy. This resonated deeply with me probably around the 20th time I went, though I'm not sure if this was necessarily related to TopGolf as an establishment. I am assuming that I would have felt this way if the darts bar or a regular driving range, but the fact that this wave of emotion hit me in the relatively sterile environment of TopGolf was surreal. Instead of attending church and participating in a community I was instead alone, surrounded by strangers who themselves were often not alone. Instead of pamphleting for a political campaign I support, I instead drank 1-2 16oz Coors Lights at 10am. I didn't raise a family, I didn't write a novel. I hit golf balls onto turf and watched their simulated flight path, estimated top speed, and calculated distance on a screen.
I learned about myself this year at TopGolf, but maybe not enough. I learned that 300 balls in 90 minutes is no problem for me if I stick to two clubs and get "into the groove." What is "the groove?" To retrieve a ball one must wave their club head infront of the ball dispenser. A ball rolls out. You hit the ball. A simple formula. The "groove" is when these three steps happen in a fluid motion with no pausing inbetween. The club head goes from the perfect arc from between the legs, to the wind up, to the follow through, then back to the dispenser to the back right, and returns to center. This is where TopGolf shines for me. "The groove" is simply a gateway into the cost per ball optimization. The economics of TopGolf if you take few breaks and power through ball after ball is actually wild when compared to a real golf course when the math is done. $15 unlocks maybe 20 balls at some courses? TopGolf has a weekday morning deal for $15 ($45 for after 5pm work slots). That is 5 cents per ball. Unmatched value. One doesn't need to know what a pivot table or XLOOKUP is in Excel to get these numbers.
I feel a Zen equivalent to Bodhidharma drinking tea before meditation (the discovery of caffeine) when "the groove" is achieved. A simple motion, repeated for 90 minutes straight. The lights are on, noone is home. It is difficult for the roving waiters to rouse me from this stupor to ask if I need anything else.
When you attend with others the value drops significantly, but the exchange rate for social capital is rather high so it can be worth it. Often in a 90 minute session I'll struggle to break 100 while Practicing with others. What does "Practicing" mean in this context? Most of those familiar with TopGolf know about their games. Most recently Sonic and AngryBirds themed ones seem to dominate. But there exists two additional modes: Course, which simulates a small number of exotic and expensive courses, and Practice Mode, where you can just hit and measure your swing. Practice mode solo is pure efficiency. Practice mode with others can be an exercise in patience.
Demographics
If I could classify other broad slices of society that I observed into two categories I'd arbitrarily choose Golfers and Nongolfers. 80% of those would fall into the latter Nongolfer territory. These are the folks that atleast I associated with TopGolf: tween's birthday parties, cooperate team events, young adults on double dates. Most of whom had never touched a club in their life and who's form I was concerned would cause real damage to their bodies. These are people having fun. They eat some fried foods, some tacos, some pretzel bites (the best thing on the menu next to the tots). They drink a few beers/margs/house cabs. They go home, never to return.
The remaining 20% are the golfers, who are the most interesting to me. What people makes up the golfers? First and foremost, they're often initiating the TopGolf party with the noninitiates or atleast have been dragged along. They range from cocky to demure. Some coach, some gloat, some take it deadly serious. They're usually like the salt in the soup. Without them the flock of sheep are aimless. With their shepherd things take direction and form. More often than not when a real golfer attends with the nongolfers the groups seem to be a bit more lively, even if they're a bit douchey and show off too much.
The next up are my favorite: the other Alones. We bring our clubs at open or after work. Quiet, rarely talking to others, maybe a simple nod as we approach the little square of turf. Ages range from early 30s to late 70s. We've all done the math, we're here for two reasons. The first is the aforementioned cost efficiency. The second is the statistics. For the uninitiated the genius of TopGolf for the golfer is the pershot stats. Your hook, distance, and speed are all reported. These are critical when trying to fix parts of your swing, and something most driving ranges don't provide. At home devices are very expensive. The stats are also a tragedy because they are not saved between visits, but that is a digression (but if a TopGolf executive happens to read this let it be known this is a feature request).
The Food
I've sampled nearly everything on the menu. The only things that hold weight for me are the tater tots (perfectly fried literally every time) and the pretzel bites. The burgers, tacos, flat breads, breakfast burritos, everything else is...mid. It is what it is. I've stopped ordering food long ago. The food doesn't make me feel things, it seemingly makes me feel the absence of things. I'm not sure why but this is the opposite of food, much in the way that a Chili's Triple Dipper is.
The beers fine. Not cheap. Not much else to say.
I don't go for the food.
Conclusion
I've been to TopGolf too much and I'm going to go even more next year. My game has gotten measurably better by the simple concept of regular and consistent practice. TopGolf might be the essence of the American Dream in the 2020 era, and I have a feeling it will be referenced in distant memory like Sock Hops in the 2050s. Its too expensive to be ubiquitous in American culture like a batting cage is, which is a bit tragic because conceptually it is a batting cage for golf. Unlink what a driving range is. The driving range is akin to a weight room, many people can't stand them. Whatever topples the giant will be objectively worse but won't market itsself as a luxury experience.