Trump’s Bold Plan to Annex Canada: The Gold Medal Grab

President Donald Trump has hatched a genius plan to make America the king of Olympic hockey: annex Canada. Forget trade deals, borders, Seline Dion, and Justin Beiber—this is about pucks, sticks, gold medals, and kicking Russia’s ass!! “Canada’s been hoarding all the hockey talent,” Trump told a cheering crowd. “Sidney Crosby, Connor McDavid—they should be playing for us! We’re bringing hockey greatness to America not seen since the mighty ducks! Its gonna be HUGE!"

Operation Maple Merger

The plan is simple: absorb Canada and instantly inherit their hockey superstars, coaches, and Zambonis. No longer will the US be the little brother on the ice. Trump and his advisors call it "the Louisiana Purchase of sports." “Never has there been a deal as good as this, their calling it the best deal ever made, Even Tim Hortons comes as a bonus—because what’s a game without donuts?

Unstoppable on Ice

With Canada’s nine Olympic hockey golds in the mix, Team USA would be unbeatable. “We’d score so many goals, they’d have to rename it the Trump Cup,” he boasted, waving a puck he insists was signed by his friend hockey legend Wayne Gretzky.

Canada Responds

Canadians are torn between horror and hysterics. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Meanwhile, fans have taken to the streets—politely—with signs like “Keep Your Mitts Off Our Pucks.” "Go Kick Rocks! you Hoser!!"

The Final Buzzer

Despite skepticism, Trump remains confident. “When we win that gold, the world will say: America first, Canada… also America.” Whether it’s brilliance or bluster, one thing’s clear: this plan has hockey fans on both sides of the border laughing—and scratching their heads.